I’ve been insanely lucky this year, and in life. Seriously, if reincarnation is real, in my past life I must have been a telemarketer for a sex toy company who was beaten to death. If I was shot right now my last words would be “I love my parents and friends. Also, sorry I didn’t help more. Hey, can you get me a sandwich with extra….”
1. I was on the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien along with Dr. Sanjay Gupta and John C. Reilly. Andy Richter gave me a smile and knowing nod as I left. I will remember it on my deathbed and smile.
2. I went to see “The Hurt Locker” by myself at the Arclight. Two teenagers (a boy and a girl) sat in front of me. The girl kept checking her phone. Just when I was about to tell her to knock it off, they started quietly and urgently fucking. I mean, I was honestly impressed at how fast and quiet they went at it. On the floor.
3. I shot a pilot for Comedy Central. Can’t get into the details, but I learned a lot and the people I worked with were (and are) amazing. If it gets picked up, holy crap. If not, it was still a blast.
4. Just stopping short of being annoying, I mentioned and brought up every awesome “up and coming” comedian I saw, met, or knew to people who could help them. Partly because people did that for me, partly because I’m selfish and want to be entertained by them in the future on a grand scale.
5. I put out a comedy album on vinyl. Seriously, I can throw my own record on my turntable and yell at myself to shut up anytime I want.
6. I played ten comedy clubs on the road and did ten festivals. Thanks, Google Calendar! Man, what a year. Actually, thanks, people in places!
7. A bunch of college kids in a bar in Arizona recognized me and told me I was good and should keep doing what I’m doing. Sounds simple, but it meant the world to me.
8. I hosted the Channel 101 awards. Huge honor. Great bunch of friends with wonderfully twisted, deviant minds. I mean that in the best, only way.
9. In New York I taped a half hour comedy special and two episodes of John Oliver’s upcoming stand-up show. I was also in Comedy Central’s “Hot List” with eight other comics who I hold in high, high esteem. I’m friends with all of them too. Yes, even TJ Miller. Hey, it’s airing again tonight at 7 PM Pacific time. What are the odds? http://www.jokes.com/countdown/comedy-centrals-hot-list
10. I know you. You who are my friend and I love you. It’s really about you. Because you make me feel good and laugh and appreciate life. Because I’m selfish and want you around to make me happy. For me.